


Insomnia

by kruder



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Continuation of chapter 253, He Tian's comeback, Hot make-out session, M/M, Mo's conflicted feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 12:23:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15885987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kruder/pseuds/kruder
Summary: A storm forces Mo Guan Shan to spend the night at He Tian's after he has returned, confronting him with his troubled feelings.





	Insomnia

The rain’s heavy tonight. It’s sloshing down the big windows, painting a different pattern every time. The water never takes the same path twice he notices, always changing directions, dividing, uniting, taking unpredictable turns formed by the forces of wind and gravity. The only sound is a steady drum of rain drizzling against glass, and a high-pitched whine from wind, howling around the edges of the building. In its chaos, the storm has something mesmerizing, hypnotic and almost soothing. It could make you glad that you’re in bed, dry and warm, so you snuggle deeper in your cushions, sighing relieved before drifting into slumber.

 

But right now, it just pisses the hell out of Mo Guan Shan. He lies in the darkness, watching the rain-made patterns for what feels like a fucking eternity now. The damn storm being the reason why he’s here, not in his familiar, tiny, comfy bed at home. He closes his eyes and tries for the last time to inhale deeply, synchronizing his flow of breath with imaginary waves on an imaginary beach- a trick his mom had told him once to help him deal with anger, or sleeplessness. Some minutes pass before he opens his eyes again, letting out an annoyed growl. This shit doesn’t work. It never works.

 

His eyes are burning and heavy with tiredness while he stares up to the ceiling, where shadows of flowing water reflect in arrhythmic patterns. In a corner of his mind, he knows that it’s not the rain that keeps him up, or the howling of the wind, or the unfamiliar couch he’s lying on. Or the fact he’s trying to sleep fully dressed. Lying in the dripping darkness, sleep crawling on the edges of his consciousness but too far to grasp it, he feels his presence, halfway across the room. Mo Guan Shan groans and presses the his hands against his eyes.

 

He’d come back. After days and weeks of nothing, no calls, no good-night-messages, no whereabouts. Nothing. Mo Guan Shan had pretended not to give a damn about it. Pretended to be relieved to have this constant pain in the ass finally out of his sight so his life could be back to normal. Pretending got harder after He Tian had started to sneak into his sleep. The first time in the hospital had seriously shocked Mo Guan Shan. Why the fuck would he dream about him? Especially _that_ kind of dream? This was just completely and utterly wrong, fucked up, a misconduct of his brain, synapses being falsely connected by painkillers, the unfamiliar hospital environment, maybe this was a symptom of trauma? He tried to calm himself with all denial and rationalization he was capable of, but after it had happened the second and a third time, he was on the verge of despair. He didn’t want any of this. No strange dreams, no weird boners, no shameful wanks in the middle of the night. FUCK! This bastard!

 

Mo Guan Shan had never been in love, for various reasons. One of them lay in the conviction that he simply had nothing to offer no anyone, that he didn’t deserve to be loved and give love in return. That he was not attractive, on the outside as well as the inside. This belief was rather unconscious but firmly rooted in his self-perception and made him insecure and awkward towards the other sex. He’d glanced after girls in short skirts and noticed growing boobs with the same shy excitement than most boys but couldn’t build up the courage to go the next step. Whereas his friends started dating, holding hands, kissing and maybe got their hands in a bra or a pair of knickers, Mo Guan Shan stood at the sideline, watching it all with distant but destructive anger. He told himself that he just hadn’t met the right girl yet, the one that would snatch his love and take him by the hand, making it all feel easy, naturally. The one that would take away his trouble and fear to replace it with happiness and tenderness. That would make his heart flutter and his breath hitch with a single smile, that he would involuntarily search in every crowd, his heart skipping a beat when he saw her. That would fill his thoughts and change his world. That would appeal both to his mind and his cock.

 

But to his deepest distress, the past months had shown that except for the happiness-tenderness-thing He Tian did all this for him, lately including the cock-appealing-part. Mo Guan Shan had never felt this desperate. It took all his willpower to deny this by suppressing every thought of him and burying his conflicting feelings deep inside, praying they would just vanish into nothing if he ignored them long enough.

 

 

 

Out of nowhere, He Tian was standing in front of the school gates this morning, a smoke dangling coolly from his lips, hands shoved deep in his pockets and waiting for him (HIM, ignoring all the girls passing by, greeting shyly with a great deal of curiosity), and made Mo Guan Shan race through a chaos of emotions. Since escape was his prime strategy when facing emotional trouble, he immediately turned his steps but no chance to stay undetected, he never was that lucky. He Tian stubbed out his smoke and strolled over, his grin getting wider with every step. Mo Guan Shan involuntarily tensed up when He Tian’s arm slumped around his shoulder, pulling him close. Mo Guan Shan’s heart started to race like crazy and heat crawled up his neck, but he hid his discomfort and embarrassment behind an irritated face.

 

“Little Mo- how are you this morning?”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

“Is this the way to greet your knight in shining armor?”

 

“…”

 

“Thought so.” He leaned in, and his breath, smelling of smoke and mint, was stroking Mo Guan Shan’s neck. Too close. _Too fucking close_.

 

“Come to my place tonight. I missed your stew.”

 

“Fuck off, I don’t have time.”

 

He Tian just smiled and squeezed his arm before leaving for his classroom. Mo Guan Shan glared at him, the squeeze being a reminder of He Tian’s strength, telling an unspoken threat if he dared to refuse. With a smirk, he added,

 

“You’ll come. I saved your ass, remember?”

 

In the end, of course he had come. Like he would always come, telling himself for the hundred’s time that he didn’t want this, that he was forced into it against his will and the only reason he was here was because He Tian would beat his ass up otherwise. With thoughts like this he steeled himself but at the same time, he felt this was not entirely true and despite the stubborn repetition of this litany his resistance had started to get brittle.  

 

“Wow, I really missed your stew, it’s the best. You have to teach me sometime.”

 

He Tian sighed satisfied after finishing his second huge bowl of rice and stew. Mo Guan Shan only nodded wordlessly. The whole evening he’d felt tensed and stressed, even more irritable than usual, snapping at every comment He Tian made and keeping silent the rest of the time. His own insecurity and inability to cope with the situation annoyed him. He didn’t know what to reply. _I missed cooking for you?_ Like Hell. _I missed being monopolized by you?_ No way. _I missed you_ —Shut the fuck up. His jaw clenched, and he told his brain to stop messing with him.

 

Mo Guan Shan didn’t know if He Tian was aware of his inner struggle, since He Tian seemed as easy and casually as always. Damn confident dick. Mo Guan Shan longed to be at home and started to stack the dishes when He Tian cleared his throat.

 

“It’s probably gonna be the end of the world tonight. You better stay here.”

 

Mo Guan Shan looked at him in confusion. He Tian nodded in the direction of the huge windows, where black, heavy clouds where gathering in menacing high towers, ready to burst open any second.

 

Mo Guan Shan just shook his head. “Over my dead body. I’m going home.”

 

The prospect of staying here for the night was outright horrifying. He Tian laughed when he saw Mo Guan Shan’s shocked expression.

 

“Relax! I’m not going to do something weird! Just take the couch.” He grinned nastily. “On the other hand, when I have the chance to have you here all night…”

 

He laughed again when he saw Mo Guan Shan’s pissed reaction.

 

“Have you eaten dogshit? Shut your fucking mouth, disgusting pervert!”

 

Mo Guan Shan’s outburst amused He Tian even more. “I’m just kidding! Jeez, relax!” He Tian leaned forward, a teasing grin on his lips.

 

“What are you so fucking afraid of? That I might sneak upon you and violate you?” He paused for a moment, his eyes sparkling dangerous and his grin getting wider.

 

“Or that you might actually like it?”

 

Mo Guan Shan furiously gaped at him, looking like he would jump over the table and punch the shit out of him any second. He was just about to yell at him when suddenly the room was brightly lit by a flash of lightning, followed by ear-piercing thunder. And then hell broke loose. Rain was flooding the city, cold, curtain-thick, roaring and merciless. Anyone going out in this weather would be an insane fool.  

 

A big FUCK was written all over Mo Guan Shan’s face. “I have to call my mom”, he muttered defeated and left the table.

 

 

 

Mo Guan Shan shifts on the couch, trying in vain to find a comfortable position. It was petty and stubborn he decided to sleep fully dressed and he is aware that it probably served to prove something to himself rather than He Tian. He rubs his eyes and groans annoyed.

 

Stinging like a papercut, He Tian’s words are playing in his head over and over, wearing him out. He’d asked the very question that’s keeping him wide awake, nauseatingly occupying his mind. He honestly doesn’t know what frightens him more: that He Tian might do something to him, or that he might not hate it as much as he should. He Tian is another guy, for fuck’s sake! He never had any feelings towards boys, fuck no, and so this just wrong and weird, like he’s not himself any more. And at the same time, he can’t deny a certain curiosity hiding in the shadows of his repugnance and that is what’s making him restless, his mind running in circles. When it’s clear that sleep’s not coming, Mo Guan Shan gets up, swearing under his breath and goes to the bathroom, hoping an empty bladder increases his chances to get any sleep tonight.

 

On his way back, he passes He Tian’s bed, standing in the middle of the room. Mo Guan Shan always asked himself how he could sleep like that, completely unprotected and open to attack from all sides. He always needs a solid obstacle in his back to feel safe and protected, a rather archaic instinct. But then again, He Tian doesn’t seem like the type worrying about sudden attacks. He doesn’t seem like the type worrying about anything, another thing that’s making them complete opposites.

 

Mo Guan Shan hesitates when he’s passing He Tian, sleeping soundly ( _of course_ ) in the center of his double bed. He lays on his side, a hand tucked under the pillow, his face buried in the crook of his elbow. The blanket had slid down and reveals his torso, milk-white in the dim light, shadows of the rain flowing over his arms and chest. _Couldn’t this bastard at least put on a shirt_ , Mo Guan Shan growls to himself.

_Fuck, what’re you looking at!_ He’s just realized he’s staring and turns briskly away. In the dark he stumbles over a pile of books, kicking down the upper one that lands with a solid _thump_ on the ground. He Tian sighs in his sleep, mumbles something and turns on his back. Mo Guan Shan freezes in his movement and holds his breath, _fuckfuckfuck_ \- but He Tian continues breathing deeply.

 

He’s lying on his back now, one hand still over his head, covering his face, the other arm draped over the mattress. His torso shines in the twilight and all of a sudden, Mo Guan Shan is glued at the end of his bed, unable to avert his gaze. This is the first time he looks at He Tian when he’s defenselessly splayed out for him like that, shameless, almost. An unknown heat stirs inside him, glowing and dangerous. His eyes wander over the muscled torso and arms, down to the thin sheet, covering a bulge and the curve of his legs. This body is nothing like a girl’s. A flat chest where soft boobs are supposed to be, muscular flesh under smooth skin, hard, strong, masculine. _Beautiful_. Mo Guan Shan swallows the lump in his throat and involuntarily takes steps closer. He Tian’s slender stomach is nicely toned, and the V of his groin is clearly visible before it disappears under the white sheet. A trail of black hair leads downwards from his navel, a trace of manhood and sex. Mo Guan Shan’s heart is racing in his ribcage when his shins are suddenly touching the bed frame. His head’s foggy and his whole body’s feeling funny, like he’s sleepwalking. All he’s aware of right now is the overwhelming urge to touch this body that pulls him close like a magnet and to feel the smooth skin under his hands.

 

The rain is still battering on the windows when the mattress’s shifting and Mo Guan Shan kneels above He Tian, his movements careful like a cat’s. He couldn’t possibly explain his actions right now, not even to himself. But he notices that the quarreling voices in his head are silent for once. It almost feels easy. Naturally. His legs are on each side of his He Tian’s hips, so if he’d sit down, his ass would be touching He Tian’s crotch. The realization causes his pulse to race even faster and he takes a moment to calm his breathing.

 

He Tian is still asleep, and Mo Guan Shan cannot help but curse him for his deep sleep. _That fucker gets everything he wants_. Being as close as he is now, Mo Guan Shan can see the calm rising of his chest, the dark circles of his nipples, the shadows of his armpits. Instinctively, he reaches out and places a hand on He Tian’s chest, feeling the heartbeat underneath. As expected, the skin is smooth and warm under his touch.

 

He Tian stirs and slowly opens his eyes, startling when he sees Mo Guan Shan’s dark figure looming over him.

 

“Mo- what the- “

 

His voice is rough and drowsy. _Sexy._

 

“Shut up”, is the only thing Mo Guan Shan manages to mutter. It’s impossible to explain this and equally impossible to draw back his hand. In the silence that falls between them, Mo Guan Shan senses how He Tian’s heartbeat quickens under his palm and hears his breath getting shallower. He Tian slowly props up on his elbows and looks at him, his expression unreadable in the dim light. He does nothing to remove Mo Guan Shan’s hand or push him away, just looks at him without a word, waiting. It’s all Mo Guan Shan needs.

 

He strokes lightly over the broad chest and the small, firm buds before going down over the stomach and the sides, feeling the skin tremble under his fingers. Where he’s sensitive, especially around his nipples and underneath the navel, He Tian inhales sharply. It’s a moment of incredible intimacy and Mo Guan Shan fingers dance slowly over He Tian’s body, like he’s trying to burn every spot, every curve, every sigh in his memory so he’ll never forget what this feels like.

 

When his thighs starting to hurt from his position, he slowly lowers himself to sit on He Tian’s lap, the sudden friction elicits a groan, coming deep from He Tian’s chest. The bulge under Mo Guan Shan has grown hard and he feels his own erection, painfully constricted by his pants. A hand comes up and strokes Mo Guan Shan’s thigh, long, strong fingers wander up until they reach his crotch. Sparkles of lust glow behind his eyes and a gasp comes from Mo Guan Shan’s lips, parting softly with a moan when He Tian strokes his cock through his pants. He’s way too aroused to be ashamed of the whimper that escapes him when his erection is freed and He Tian’s fingers are touching him, fast and bare and _fuck, too hot_. His hips are suddenly moving on their own, pushing inside the fist that brings him closer to his climax with every thrust. In his haze, he hears He Tian groan and feels the shape of his hard cock, grinding against him desperately. When He Tian’s thumb caresses his glans, his orgasm hits him so hard his vision goes white and he comes with a loud moan, squirting his cum all over He Tian’s chest, gasping and quivering while He Tian strokes his twitching cock.

 

Giving not a second to indulge in his post-orgasmic bliss, a hand comes around his sweaty neck and He Tian roughly pulls him down until their lips crash together. He ravishes his mouth and Mo Guan Shan gasps in the kiss, wet and forceful, dominated by He Tian’s hot, demanding tongue. His shirt is soaked with his own cum, but he couldn’t care less right now. He should’ve known that with He Tian, nothing was going to be tender or delicate but rough and greedy and he’s surprised how happy this is making him.

 

His hand finds a strand of black hair and tugs it firmly, making He Tian moan in his mouth. Hasty fingers are pulling his shirt over his head and their heated, bare chests are touching. Hands and lips are stroking and kissing whatever they reach, leaving red traces of nails and teeth on their way. He Tian’s cock throbs against Mo Guan Shan’s thigh and the grinding gets more impatient. Mo Guan Shan reaches down and lets his hand slip under the sheet inside He Tian’s boxer briefs. A moan, so sexy it makes Mo Guan Shan shiver, comes from his mouth when Mo Guan Shan wraps his fingers around his erection and jerks him off, his breath hot in his neck. He Tian’s fingers grasp his arm hard enough to leave marks and Mo Guan Shan is overwhelmed, completely fucking stunned by the fact that He Tian is reacting like that to him and he feels how the blood rushes back in his cock, filling it more with every sigh, every gasp and hiss coming from He Tian. He fumbles down the briefs and strokes the moist shaft, already slick with precum. Mo Guan Shan’s mouth searches He Tian’s, his tongue licks the parted lips and pushes inside, intertwining with He Tian’s tongue in a wet, messy kiss. After some more forceful thrusts, He Tian grimaces and groans in his mouth, hot cum shooting in thick, white ropes from his cock, soaking Mo Guan Shan’s fingers. Seeing He Tian come undone like this, because of _him_ , is enough to make Mo Guan Shan fully hard again and he rubs himself against He Tian, pulling him into a desperate kiss.

 

The rest of the night is a heated blur, an intoxicating rush of naked bodies, skin on skin, slick with sweat and cum, the sheets a sticky mess. The rain has stopped for some time now and they drowse off, completely exhausted and slowly coming down from their afterglow.

 

Mo Guan Shan is just about to fall asleep when he feels He Tian’s dark, questioning gaze on him. Instantly hot shame is flooding him, and he suddenly realizes that he just completely lost control and gave into his most dangerous desires, tearing down his carefully construed emotional boundaries. He’s so embarrassed he quickly looks away, familiar self-loathing digging its claws in his soul. Shit, he can’t explain this now, he’s way too tired, too drained, too fucking clueless what all of this is supposed to mean- when He Tian’s fingers softly touch his face and turn his head with an unexpected tenderness until their eyes meet. He Tian’s expression is attentive, curious and bare of any mocking. His voice, low and husky, cuts into his stream of thoughts.  

 

“What took you so fucking long?”


End file.
